It’s what we wear, you know.


From the top down:

  • The flattest of flat caps. If you don’t say, “Cor Blimey!” just from looking at it, it is not sufficiently flat. If it makes you say, “Ee By Gum!” that’ll do, Pig, that’ll do.
  • Black make up on the face is produced by burning cork. Weeks of preparation required. I had to drink 14 bottles of red before I found one that wasn’t a screw top!
  • A bright, colourful neckerchief. Have another one about your person as a spare, and for use in Spotty Dogging.
  • A pale collarless shirt.
  • A fancy waistcoat. Fancier the better. Although some schools regard Aztec Sun face patterns on a green background as too fancy.
  • A tweed jacket. A twee jacket is no substitute.
  • Corduroy trousers of an earthy colour. Think brown. Maybe dark green. Purple is right out. I’m looking at you, Argy.
  • A belt is recommended, although not compulsory.
  • A few bells tied below the knee with hairy string.
  • Brown boots.
  • Socks. No, I don’t care what colour they are, just wear socks. Because you’ll get blisters if you don’t!